My nerves mostly center around friends. On the outside, I appear to be a bit of a tough cookie, but I am actually really sensitive and really care about being accepted and loved by my friends. I wouldn't actually admit this to anyone... I'm just nervous that all the people that I have come to love from last year will forget about me, or worse... replace me. I just hate feeling like this. I'm supposed to be the one that has it all together when it comes to what people think about me.
I'm also nervous about just fitting in. Last year, I kind of really figured out who I was, what I believe in, and what morals I care to uphold. I realize now that I am so different from everyone at my school. The school I go to is a conservative Christian school. There aren't really any liberal people here...except for one: me. I am so liberal compared to everyone at my school. I never even knew that I was one until I was here. There are just so many things that set me apart from my right-winged class mates. I am a democrat, I am all for legalizing gay marriage, I swear sometimes (*gasp*), I don't think that drinking is wrong, and I'm not so sure that I will wait for marriage for giving up my V-card.
Not gonna lie, last year was really hard. I felt like I was being judged. I was being judged by how liberal I was and for my parents having gone through a divorce. There were a few things that got me through. For one, I had a six month flee with this guy I met first day of classes. We did everything together. Second, I had a really understanding roommate. She was awesome. We had so many things in common, and yet were so different from one another. Somehow it worked. Third, I journaled a shit-ton. Like seriously. I never went any where without my journal, and I went through four.
Anyways, I feel much better about getting this off of my chest. I'm still nervous, but I feel loads better. Pray for me.
-Holly
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