Anxious Notions

So, with only six days until I head off into the great unknown that we call school, I can't help but feel really nervous about it. This will be my sophomore year at college. I should feel more certain of myself than ever, and I should feel a bit more settled it being that I know a lot more people this time around. But, alas, I can't help but feel totally and hopelessly anxious about it.

My nerves mostly center around friends. On the outside, I appear to be a bit of a tough cookie, but I am actually really sensitive and really care about being accepted and loved by my friends. I wouldn't actually admit this to anyone... I'm just nervous that all the people that I have come to love from last year will forget about me, or worse... replace me. I just hate feeling like this. I'm supposed to be the one that has it all together when it comes to what people think about me.

I'm also nervous about just fitting in. Last year, I kind of really figured out who I was, what I believe in, and what morals I care to uphold. I realize now that I am so different from everyone at my school. The school I go to is a conservative Christian school. There aren't really any liberal people here...except for one: me. I am so liberal compared to everyone at my school. I never even knew that I was one until I was here. There are just so many things that set me apart from my right-winged class mates. I am a democrat, I am all for legalizing gay marriage, I swear sometimes (*gasp*), I don't think that drinking is wrong, and I'm not so sure that I will wait for marriage for giving up my V-card.

Not gonna lie, last year was really hard. I felt like I was being judged. I was being judged by how liberal I was and for my parents having gone through a divorce. There were a few things that got me through. For one, I had a six month flee with this guy I met first day of classes. We did everything together. Second, I had a really understanding roommate. She was awesome. We had so many things in common, and yet were so different from one another. Somehow it worked. Third, I journaled a shit-ton. Like seriously. I never went any where without my journal, and I went through four.

Anyways, I feel much better about getting this off of my chest. I'm still nervous, but I feel loads better. Pray for me.

-Holly

Not Knowing

Summer is zooming by unmercifully. I can't help but think about all the new challenges I will have with school, and all that lies ahead. I've really enjoyed being away at college. This will be my second year here. With that said, I still have no idea what I'm doing. I'm taking all these classes, but what are they for? What will I be doing with all this random knowledge I've attained?

It just makes me nervous to think about life after school. Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to the freedom I'll have. It's just that I don't know what I want to be doing for a career. I want to be seen as successful, as someone who has it all together. It's just overwhelming to think about what I have to do to accomplish this.

Sometimes, I just want to say, "screw it," and just learn about something I love and do something I love with it without thinking about all the money that I'll lose out on.

Sometimes, I wish that someone could just tell me what to do, just to make my life easier. But then I wonder...what if what I'm supposed to be doing is not knowing. what the hell I'm supposed to do.

-Holly

Summer is coming to a rather abrupt close, and soon I will be on a plane flying back to Washington state to go back to college. This summer has seriously been the fastest one of my life. So much has happened during this summer, but I feel like it's still just begun. Like I said, so much has happened this summer. I traveled a ton, and really have learned quite a bit about myself.

Let's start by talking with the traveling. This summer I've gone to Portland, Canada, Seattle, and Washington DC. Yeah, like I said, I've done a lot of traveling. Portland was pretty cool. I drove there with my mom who was in town. She drove all the way from Virginia to eastern Washington to pick me up. Talk about a drive. The drive out to Portland was beautiful. Most of the drive was accompanied by the Columbia River. I've never seen anything quite like it; the Columbia is so majestic. When we finally got to Portland, we met up with my brother and his wife who live there, and my other brother. The first day was really relaxing. We just enjoyed each other's company in the great outdoors (and indoors). The second day brought much adventure. We attended the church where my brother pastors youth. After service was over, we drove into downtown Portland to explore everything that the "weird" city had to offer. We went to Voodoo Donuts of course, hit up Stumptown coffee, and drove up to Council Crest Park to take in all the sights it offered and to eat up all our goodies. The flavor of the city truly embodies that of it's famous quote, "Keep Portland Weird."

Canada was quite an out-of-the-blue trip. My friend and I were at Hoopfest in Spokane Washington, when we decided to go on a spontaneous trip to Canada. Neither of us had ever been to Canada before. To say that we were excited would be quite an understatement. We drove for hours. When we arrived, we were giddy with excitement. My friend was the one driving and I assume was not used to having to go through high security situations. When the guard signaled for us to drive forward, she put the pedal to the medal. She apparently thought that we didn't need to speak to anyone. *sigh* (Jess, if you're reading this, I still love you. haha) For someone from the DC area, this immediately made my heart stop. Needless to say, it made both me and the border officer very happy when we backed up and stopped for a chat with the officer. We got out of the gate smoothly once some explanations were made. We traveled to Grand Forks, which was the nearest little town around. I must say, British Colombia is beautiful! It's so mountainous, and majestic, truly! We only stayed for seven hours because we both had stuff to do the next day, but it was so worth it.

Seattle was an experience indeed. I hadn't been to Seattle since I was a little girl. It was so much fun just to be there again to really soak up the vibe of the city. I went to Seattle with the same friend I went to Canada with, Jess. We came in to Seattle pretty late, so we didn't really get to a chance to really see the city. The next day, we walked down to Pike's Place (Literally *down.* I don't know if you've ever been there, but boy is it a steep walk down to Pike's Place! It's quite a doosey.) It was really cool to just watch all the people who were clustered together. I loved seeing what trinkets some people picked up. Jess and I eventually went to a bagel shop for brunch. It was a really cute shop. On the way to the bagel shop, we passed this really cute shop that I don't think I will ever forget. It was just so magical. It was an umbrella shop. I never even knew that umbrella shops existed. The shop was just so artsy and adorable that I wanted to just take it home with me. Anyways, Seattle was just a really cool place.

Ohhh Washington DC. This is where I was born and where I spent my high school years. I hadn't been back to DC for seven months. I wasn't originally planning on coming back in the summer, but I'm so glad I did. It's been so nice to see places and faces that I haven't seen in a while. It's also been nice to be able to miss my college and the crazy city that it's in. I will always have a special place in my heart for DC. That's all about it for now. There's a need just to save posts about DC for later.

I guess this is all for now. I hope that you all out there in cyberspace are enjoying the warm weather.

-Holly